Skip to main content
Introductory letter for CVE 1281
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Baizurah Toha. I am writing in to introduce myself as a Year 1 civil engineering student attending your effective communications module.
I worked in Land Transport Authority (LTA) after I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in 2012 with a diploma in civil engineering and management. My role as an assistant engineer consists of monitoring, regulating and coordinating road openings around Singapore. I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with various agencies in both the government and private sectors. Some incidents during my work that involve with various agencies was a road cave-in. The incident requires close monitoring such as prioritizing the safety of the road users, identifying the cause of the road cave-in incident and to whom should the responsibility lies on. Therefore, in the civil engineering industry, communication is crucial in making the world a better future.
My hobbies I enjoyed most would be baking a cake, decorating my room and traveling overseas. In terms of traveling, I would often choose a location that would make me feel like I am screaming for an adventure. Recently, I went to Kashmir despite knowing the ongoing war between the Pakistanis and Indians. After setting foot myself to a dangerous place at that moment, I was deeply intrigued by their beautiful and calm cultures. Overall, that was the most incredible trip I have ever been to and this hobby has led me to expand my little world with more knowledge.
My strengths in communication are my ability to interact with others verbally and maintaining my even temperament to deal with difficult situations calmly and effectively.
Even after years of education, some weaknesses in communication are my writing skills due to lack of reading books. Eventually, I have difficulty in getting the right message across to others on how I think while conversing through an email.
I hope to express myself confidently in writing and strengthen my communication skills. I look forward to honing my effective communication skills through this module. Thank you.
Best Regards,
Baizurah Toha
Group 4
CVE 1281
*Edited 21/01/2019, 10:30pm
Commented on:
Lu Sheng
Akram
Nurul
Hi Baizurah,
ReplyDeleteIt was an absolute pleasure to have read your blog. I really enjoyed reading your post, especially the part on you travelling to Kashmir. That is something which I think I would want to know more the next time I see you in class. Your writing is good, has a nice flow and you manage to capture the audience with your interesting content.
Having said that, I feel that there are areas for you to improve on:
1) “In the areas of traveling, I would choose a location that made me felt it screamed for an adventure. "
I feel that the sentence could be rephrased to “In terms of travelling, I would often choose a location that would make me feel like I am screaming for an adventure”.
2) “After having myself to set foot on quite a dangerous place at the moment, I am deeply intrigued with their beautiful and calm cultures”
This sentence could be rephrased to “After setting foot myself to a dangerous place at that moment, I was deeply intrigued by their beautiful and calm cultures.”
I hope that I have been able to assist you in improving your writing and given you valuable feedback. I wish you all the best in this module. Thank you
Best wishes,
Alfian
Hi Baizurah,
ReplyDeleteIt was great knowing more about you. All in all, your content was very insightful as it shows your past experience as a working adult and also your adventurous hobbies. However, i feel that maybe you can share with us a little more on the importance of communication skill in the work industry as it is something not most of us have experienced. I look forward to working with you in further activities. Thank you.
Regards,
Javier
Hi Baizurah,
ReplyDeleteIt was nice getting to know more about you from your introduction.
Just some opinions from me:
1) "I worked in Land Transport Authority (LTA) as soon as I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic in 2012 with a diploma in civil engineering and management."
The phrase "as soon as" sounds strange for me in the context. I would recommend using 'after' instead.
2) "I am determined to work with others in shaping the civil engineering world to a better future, to scale more boundaries."
I would suggest in using the word 'and' instead of a comma before "to scale more boundaries".
3) "I am fortunate to have the opportunity to work with various agencies in both the government and private sectors, and we believe that we could work together to solve a problem professionally."
The sentence seems a bit long, maybe you can split it up into two sentences instead.
I wish you all the best in achieving your learning outcomes for this module.
Cheers,
Lu Sheng
Dear Baizurah,
ReplyDeleteThis is a highly informative letter. I really appreciate how you have not just covered the scope of the assignment but also provided concrete supporting details regarding your rich work experience and your trip to Kashmir. For your strengths and weaknesses in communicating, you have given some detail but that could have been expanded with an explanation or two.
In terms of your communication weaknesses, we will certainly work this trimester on refining writing skills. For this letter, you might consider these:
1. overuse of caps
-- My role as an Assistant Engineer.... > ?
2. verb use
-- I am fortunate to have the opportunity to work.... > (tense) I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to work....
-- and we believe that we could work together to solve a problem professionally. > (tense concistency issue) ?
3. phrasing/word forms
-- plenty of interest > ?
-- But, travellng is the most expensive hobby .... > (lack of an apporpriate transition word) ?
-- in communications > (Is there a difference between communication and communications?) ?
-- Dear Instructor > (Do you know the attended receiver's name?) ?
-- for the incoming classes > incoming?
4. sentence structure
-- In terms of my strengths in communications, would be .... > (no subject?)
None of this feedback should detract from my appreciation for your effort with this post. I look forward to reading more from you this term.
Best wishes,
Brad